What Hurts the Most
by braygirl
Summary: She never thought she would have to hear the words "I love you" and "Goodbye", in the same sentence...


**Hello everyone, its been a long time since I've updated anything or even made a new post. I've been away with school land work and bla, bla, bla. Pretty much life is getting in the way lol. Well anywho, I'm back and I plan on finishing up the last few chapters of Hey Helga sometime between this month and the next. I procrastinated enough I think ;)**

**This story is written very different from the style I usually do, only for the reasons that I hope you will see. I hope you enjoy the story itself, though I must say while it is very angsty, hopefully you guys will see the good that awaits in it as well. =)**

**Enjoy!**

"What Hurts The Most"

_Tap. Tap…__**Pelt**__…Tap…__**Pelt**__…__**Pelt**__… …Tap, Tap, Tap….Tap, Tap, Tap_….The rhythmic pattern of the rain increased on the tiny square window pane, as the plane ascended higher and higher into the smoky clouds. The only noise that interrupted the blonde girl's thoughts, was the scratchy echoed voiced that mumbled out of the PA system, reminding passengers to fasten their seat-belts. The young blonde girl sighed heavily. Her stare out the window seemed to be the only thing keeping her sane. It was as if she moved away from her spot, she would be forced back into reality and would have to live the horrible and tragic fact, that she would be returning home to the states…_without_ her beloved.

It only seemed like a few hours ago, she was standing in the middle of the humid sticky jungle, surrounded by canopies of trees and flocks of tropical birds, listening to the words she herself, never dreamed of in a million years would ever reach her ears, for real. What started out as a heated argument, soon transformed into an interrogation, which itself morphed into a screaming match. But no sooner had the two shouting ten year olds reached a maximum volume point, the angry atmosphere changed once again, into a mix of uncomfortable and earth-shattering painful awkwardness. A confession was whispered. But the only interesting piece that was woven into the confession was the fact that for once, this time, the confession didn't belong to _her_.

The pigtailed preteen closed her eyes, just for a split second, reminiscing every second she could from that intoxicating moment in the jungle, hoping it would burn into memory and senses forever. She could still feel his presence so close, when they both yelled. The mesmerizing scent of his shampoo was still imprinted in her nasal passages. Those soft emerald eyes. The same ones that could cause her to melt her insides if she stared too long, were now all she could see everywhere she turned.

She promised herself. She promised herself she wouldn't so this. That she wouldn't crumble or suffer from separation the moment she left. She just wouldn't do it. She wouldn't _allow_ it… But it wasn't easy. Not even close. As if seeing him, and smelling him near wasn't enough torture, she was still held captive by his mere touch. Intensity thickened, the moment he stopped, and placed his hand in hers. He looked up at her wide confused eyes, and smiled a genuine half-lidded eye smile. The yellow haired boy took a step closer, she remembered. He whispered something to her, but she couldn't recall what it was. She was too busy gawking at his hand and the fact that it was still clasped gently with hers. Then he whispered it again.

The blonde girl was lost for words. Of course she fantasized about moments like this. Of course she dreamed a million and one dreams of the two of them finally confessing their love for each other. Of course it was her fondest wish that he would say those three little words back to her. And now…now it was just…a nightmare. It had to be. Or at most a cruel joke? No way that he could mean what he just said…there was no way…

She could have reverted back to her old bullying ways. She should have in fact, she scolded herself for not going back. Then she wouldn't be as heartbroken and as lost as she was now…But no. No. She said she wouldn't feel sorry for herself. She knew it was coming. Why she didn't expect it sooner, she didn't know. It _was_ too good to be true. It always had been, she supposed.

Instead of rejecting him like she should have done, she stood there stiff. Speechless. She remembered him asking her over and over again if she was okay, and that he was sorry for yelling, when she interrupted him with a loud, 'what are you talking about?' to his face. It was then his turn to be slightly confused to her response, as it didn't appear to be the one he was hoping for. But if there was a memory she knew for a fact would always remain branded into her brain and heart, it was the moment he stepped closer and pressed his lips to hers, without another word.

A tear escaped her right eye, and rolled slowly down her cheek, before she had the courage to quickly wipe it away. There was a battle raging inside her. One that would never be over until he was back with her again. Her red hot face was still facing the window, giving no one access to her tears. Though strangely enough, no one had seemed to really bother her since they had boarded the plane thirty-five minutes ago. It was almost as if they _knew_ not to bother her, perhaps thinking it was a risk to be threatened, or maybe she just wasn't in the mood to fight back. The effort would be worthless. The blonde wondered occasionally if her classmates really had figured out her love for the oddly shaped headed jungle boy. But her own distraught of the situation numbed her ability to even care for the moment.

She sighed another deep sigh, struggling to keep her tears at a minimum. But it was difficult, to say the least, as her memory recalled the most agonizing part of the conversation next…

The young boy parted from the kiss first, leaving his blonde counterpart lost for words once again. He chuckled. It was deep and scratchy, from the strenuous events that occurred over the last few days. His voice was like a symphony to her ears. So strong, so powerful…so…caring…

But perhaps he cared _too_ much. Or maybe, she thought, not enough. At least, not for _her_. She opened her eyes, slowly meeting his soft gaze. That's when she noticed it. That's when the moment had pierced her heart with a cold dull knife. Something was wrong. She could see the sudden overwhelming pain in his eyes, hidden behind such a sad smile. She could see right through him. Trying to attempt to put on a mask to protect his feelings, a trick she was all too familiar with herself. But he was failing at it. And he knew, she could tell…

He took a deep breath then, and began with only small talk. 'Thank you' he said, and 'his parents were safe' he said, and he was 'grateful for her' and 'everything she had done' he said. But there was a conjunction ahead somewhere. And she was dreading it.

She remembered in that instant how his hard decision broke her heart next. The torn look on his face made things even harder and harder for her by the minute. But she knew what was coming. She knew what had to happen. She would be selfless about it, she decided. She had to be. For his sake. And if he didn't make that choice, she would make it for him…

'You should stay', her words cut a hole in her own heart. But she wanted what was best for him. And she wouldn't be the one to come in between him and his parents. He questioned her of course, her reasoning, her thoughts, her sureness of her own decision. He questioned it all. But she took a deep breath, shook her head at him and whispered a quick ' no'. She instructed him to stay. To stay with his parents and begin life together with them, something he had been waiting for his whole life. Irony was only staring her in the face, but he had to come first. And she would see to it, that he would.

His eyes searched into her blue orbs. Looking for any reason he could find to counteract her proposal. Any excuse to tell her she was wrong, that he wanted to be with her and he would come back to town with her and their friends, the way it was suppose to be. But he couldn't. As much as he wanted to, he had to stay. And she was right. An opportunity like this only came once in a life time. And as much as it hurt him to leave his new found love behind, he couldn't risk leaving his parents behind again. But she knew that. And he knew she did…

The rain was coming down harder, obstructing her view of the dark clouds hovering just outside her window. She had a feeling that cloud, however, wouldn't be just stay outside her window. But it would be following her around for quite sometime, especially after today.

It would take time. She knew that. How much time and patience she had she didn't _quite_ know, but perhaps she would learn to figure it out. Not that she really had a choice. But if it kept her moving forward, she supposed she would. Not only for her sake…but for her beloved's as well…

After he made his decision, he hugged her tight, as a 'thank you for understanding'. Of course, he promised he would write to her, in hopes to keep whatever was happening between them alive. And of course, the blonde girl obliged in a heartbeat, doing anything she could to hold on to her football headed love just a tiny bit longer. And then…it was time. It was time to say goodbye.

He reminded her that they would see each other again, and that they would write constantly, and that 'he would never forget her'. He would never forget her. His words ran an echo through her brain. She wanted to break down then and there, she remembered. But she stayed strong for him. For herself. Until she was back on the plane, and safely tucked away in her room, where no one could see her pain…

Memories of the blonde boy flooded her mind, as she sat motionless for the rest of the flight. She didn't budge once, until she had to depart from the plane. No one seemed to bother her still. Then again, she was being uncharacteristically quiet, so perhaps she wasn't even really noticed. She thought she caught her smart little Asian friend sneaking a sad glance her way once or twice. But she was never approached. It wasn't until she was in the back of her dad's station wagon on the ride home from the airport, that reality really began to sink in. He was gone. He was _really_ gone. And as much as it terrified her to think about it, she had to occasionally mull over the fact that there was chance…she could never see him again.

Sure there would be pictures, she guessed. And plenty of letter updates. But time would slip away eventually. And then the pictures and letters would slowly disappear as well…

She didn't want that. She hated the thought of him forgetting her. But now he was thousands of miles away in a foreign country. And it wasn't like they would get to see each other often. That was one of the things that was killing her the most, she figured. Not being able to see his plump little oblong face anymore. Many times she could recall how that sweet little face entered her dreams at night on numerous occasions. How that same face and those perfect clear green eyes, were her inspiration for countless numbers of poems that remained well hidden behind her closet. She hated to think how much time was really wasted. How many times she took advantage of his presence, by covering her true feelings for him. Even if he knew now, it was too late. Without him around, her life would slowly start to peel apart. And she wasn't sure she'd be ready to put the pieces of her broken soul, back together just yet.

After what seemed like an even longer car ride home, she finally reached her little blue house. Suddenly she felt very dizzy and overwhelmed by the rush of reality that was filling her mind. Her parents helped her carry her few bags into the house, while the blonde girl stopped stiff outside her own stoop. She knew what she had to do. But she couldn't help but feel afraid in that very instant. Afraid that once she stepped into that house, that would be it. The nightmare would painfully weave itself into her life. And she would be facing the inevitable truth that boy she loved for an entire seven and a half years, was really gone. And he was never coming back.

She took a small glance around her, down the street of her town. The rain made it resemble a ghost town, without the other kids playing up and down the street. Without him…everything just seemed so…empty…

The pigtailed preteen, finally huffed out a hard sigh, and entered her house without a word. Of course, there was her bags sitting at the bottom of the staircase, as he parents left them there to engage in their own normal activities.

Typical. Nothings changed around here, she expected. She then carried her few pink bags up to her room, tossed them into the nearest corner by her bed, and closed the door behind her. She made her way slowly to her bed, and sat carefully on the edge of her comforter. It wasn't until she retrieved the heart shaped locket from her front jumper pocket, and stared deeply into her beloved's eyes for the first time since she had left, that her body began to quietly brake down and finally crumble.

* * *

-ONE WEEK LATER—

Saturday. She stared at her monthly calendar with disbelief. It was already Saturday. Exactly one whole week since she had left her true love behind in the deep jungle of San Lorenzo. But it wasn't the distance that bothered her. Or the time so much. But the fact that he had yet to send her one single letter. It had only been a week, she reminded herself. Surely he wasn't counting away the days until they would see each other again, like she was. But then another horrible fact struck her insides. What if he wasn't _planning_ on writing her yet? What if he wasn't planning to at _all_? Maybe this was all just a sick joke and he was getting his revenge from the rooftop incident…

Then why did he kiss her? Surely _that_ wasn't part of the cruel prank. Or so she hoped…Then there was the other horrible possibility, that he forgot her entirely. It wouldn't be a joke if he had really moved on already. But after only one week? How could her do that to her? How could he just give such false hope?

Before her mind had time to come up with anymore unsettling scenarios, a knock at her bedroom door interrupted her thoughts. She heard her father's gruffy voice from the other side of the door, informing her that she had a visitor. The blonde girl scoffed. Probably her best friend coming to check on her. Her father knocked once again, this time instructing her to answer the door. As much as she didn't want to blow her little Asian friend off, she wasn't up for any visitors at the moment. In fact, it would be hard to tell exactly when she would be. People constantly checking on her, asking the same banal questions over and over, if she was okay, did she need anything, that everything would be just fine in time. No. That was the _last_ thing she needed.

A louder knock on her bedroom door finally inspired her to get up and tend to her unwanted company. She opened her bedroom door where her father stood, staring down at her with a stern expression. But she pushed past him, ignoring his grumbles about not answering the door the first time, and walked down the stairs.

The yellow haired vixen approached her front door with a motive. Just calmly explain to her friend that she was in no mood of anyone's company at the moment, and that she would give her a call later. As she opened her front door to give her petite friend the message, her entire demeanor, however, changed dramatically as her eyes grew wide to the size of dinner plates. Her heart rate tripled. Her breaths became inadvertently short and unbalanced. She thought for sure at any given moment her lungs would give out, and she would suffer from cardiac arrest. But the person standing before her simply smiled at her. His bright green eyes piercing into her shocked blues.

"Hey." The boy calmly addressed her. The blonde girl made no motion to move inside or out of her house. Instead, she remained frozen, her hand glued to the doorknob, as the door itself stood ajar. She searched for her voice but not even a whisper escaped her lips, being still star struck from the sight in front of her.

The boy lowered his gaze at her, as he just continued to smile at her affectionately. She didn't understand. She was confused, shocked and slightly asthmatic at the moment. It took a few deep breaths to calm her down, before she finally found her voice and stuttered the only word her mouth was able to let tumble out.

"A-Arnold?"

**A/N: I hoped you guys liked it! A sequel is mostly in the process, though I haven't entirely decided yet. But that can be up to you guys! If you guys enjoyed it that much, and review, perhaps a sequel will be done. So read and review everyone! The goal is at least 10! ;) **

**Thanks for reading!**


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